committed to the relationship, part 1

Lately I have been talking to some college freshmen who have just graduated from our ministry. I enjoy these conversations because it takes me back to my high school and college days which were a blast. Oftentimes we get on the roommate subject which is one that I like for several reasons. A handful of our graduates went up to Lynchburg, VA to Liberty University. As you might expect some of these childhood friends have decided to be roommates. This mirrors that time in my life because my best friend, Matt Parks, from home, and I decided to be roommates. Many people I talked to told me not to room with your best friend because soon they will not be your best friend. As I retell my story these eager freshmen say they have heard the same thing.

After my first few months of college I started to understand why people would say that. Two worlds collide. No matter how well you know your roommate or how much time you have spent with them in the past, your relationship is on the brink of change-negative change or positive change. Why? Because your best friend is more different than you think. As history tells us, many long-time adolescent friendships change negatively as they get to know their friend in a new, real, and raw setting. In the past, this relationship consisted of sleepovers, camping trips, church events, school stuff, sports teams, double dates, etc. Now, in the college dorm room, the relationship with your best friend is different, even if you don't see it yet. Does this mean that you cannot have those aspects of friendship in college? Absolutely not. Here's what I'm getting at. Something big time happens when you become roommates. You live together! Now, the two worlds have collided and the boundary lines which once existed in high school have faded if there are any boundaries at all. Your life, personality, habits, quirks, problems, and stuff creep into the life of your roommate whether you like it or not, and theirs into you. After a brief experience that feels like summer camp, real life and real relationships happen.

Naturally, towards the end of my 1st semester these issues were building and showing their faces in my relationship with my best friend and roommate. I started to get tired of him. I was shocked to then learn that he was getting tired of me as well! How could anyone get tired of me? Our habits, quirks (I had none), personality differences, and daily preferences were clashing. This is how it happens for many people. Towards the end of the semester, and for some people much sooner than that, the two much different worlds have smashed into each other. (For some people this collision is like two huge airliners from other countries colliding in mid air leaving wreckage and destruction for miles. For others it is more like two moms bumping grocery carts by the cereal aisle leaving little cleanup.) Do we want this relationship to continue? A following decision must be made. Do we let this clash separate us? Do we let our differences get the best of us and decide to move out? Are we committed to the relationship? Matt and I had to face the same questions. What I learned from this experience has taught me many great life lessons which I love to teach others. More on this to come.